These last couple of months have been such a huge stepping stone for my little man and such a huge emotional and spiritual breakthrough for myself. The biggest issue I have is how hard I am on myself as a mother and that is something that I am working on . I find owning my truth to really help me cope.
I still remember the day I went in for my child’s psychological exam results and hearing the woman tell me that my child scored low enough to be able to diagnose him with mild intellectual delay. In my defense , I let her know that she barely knew my child and simply sat in a room with him for one hour. He was having an off day. She suggested I be OK with the diagnosis on paper in order to get my child qualified for additional services through our local regional center. I found out that this would allow my son to qualify for services for as long as he needs them. I walked out of that office really confused and upset because I don’t believe my child is intellectually delayed. I cried a lot and I was so confused. Yet I questioned myself because I also do not want to sound like a mom who is over reactive and in denial. Its hard to explain this to someone who has never been through it. Everyone has an opinion and all that matters is what we as parents choose to do for our child.
After giving it a few days and talking it over with my husband, we agreed to move forward with the intent of being able to get him qualified for all the services he needs. Will this affect his future? Will this be a for sure diagnosis ? Will my son be able to be mainstreamed and be in a regular school setting ? Everything was piling up in my head and to this day it still does. After asking all of the many questions we had, we decided to do whats best for our son. My son has a language and speech delay and he is the most amazing and perfect little soul. Because he is delayed in this area, he scored low in his receptive and expressive language as well. I also believe that because he was in the NICU for 5 weeks and lost a lot of oxygen , it delayed him in some areas. He didn’t have the easiest first month of life. He actually struggled to breathe many times before he was able to come home. He is so smart and understands what you tell him. I can stand there with him and have a conversation with him and he eagerly tries to express himself. I’m his momma and I am his everything. When he was a baby, I taught him a few signs and that really helped us a lot in the beginning. My son is not intellectually delayed. In fact, he is extra special and such a smart and loving child.
For the longest time I doubted that there was an issue. Boys just develop later than girls. All kids are different and grow at their own pace. The first two years of my sons life consisted of the many doctors appointments, lack of sleep, paperwork, tests, specialist visits, physical therapy, early intervention, speech therapy, and occupational therapy. I was exhausted. I still am at times . But then something just clicked.
I realized that speech and language delays are super common. I realized I needed to get myself together and stand tall. I also realized that there is a huge amount of other parents going through the same feeling I have. I have to be at my best and feel my best if I want to raise these two beautiful humans God has blessed us with. No matter how much I questioned everything, how in denial I was, how tired I was, how unhappy I felt, and how sluggish I felt, I needed to get it together for my kids. Who cares if I have to cut back on hours at the salon. Who cares if I have to have a lower paycheck so that I can be home and present with my kids. Who cares about everything else in my life. What matters is living in the moment and being here for my kids because today will eventually be the past. The minute I decided to openly talk about this, everyone had a suggestion. Everyone has an opinion. Ultimately it comes down to you as the parent. You know whats best for your child and no one else. Your child is normal and everyone has issues. You just have to work on your issues a lot more than others.
Throughout the early stages of this journey I found my love for health and wellness. I came across a fellow mom’s positive post about how good she was feeling and I felt envious. I felt awful about myself, my body, my marriage, and I was tired of being tired all the time. That was when I drew the line in the sand. I decided to try my first fitness program, the 21 day fix. I fell in love with the results and decided to try to pay it forward. Why not. I never knew this was capable as I have absolutely no background in fitness other than being out of shape and wanting to be healthy. But I believe God brought me this new venture because he knows I need to feel my best and I needed a positive outlet. He knows that I can use this platform to connect with other people who have felt the same.
I started to get my life back. Then my stress and anxiety started to get so much better. I started getting results in all areas of my life. Once it became clear to me that my son was delayed in some areas, I became more aware of the many issues we were experiencing in our household and it all started to make sense. I finally let my guard down and decided to be more open about this. The frustration was picking up and the tantrums can get really bad from the frustration. Once he gets to a certain point of frustration, its impossible to get his attention until I let him calm down. The sensory seeking became something I was now aware of and started to educate myself about. The world of sensory seeking is extremely common with kids who have extra needs. This little guy loves to bite anything and everything. He ruined our brand new blinds with all of his teeth marks. To this day he loves to put everything in his mouth. Its a coping mechanism. It all started to make sense and as much as I get frustrated too, I hold myself together and knee down to his level and try to put myself in his shoes. I repeat myself over and over and I ask him to do the same. It’s not his fault and its important that I tell myself that its not my fault either. I am an amazing mom to both my son and daughter. We are doing the best we can. He is making so much progress with the weekly therapy sessions and I know that we see and hear so much progress each and every week. What bothers me is when people tell me he looks normal and he is normal. Ofcourse he is normal. He just have some extra needs . He is no different. In fact, he is extra special.
This is a journey of its own and I try to remember that its important to sneak away and spend alone the time with my daughter too. I think I’m doing a really good job at that. I found out that I really love being a entrepreneur and for the longest time I was so hard on myself about this. Its ok to want to build two businesses and deal with all these issues too. I feel like I have been given this incredible platform to show other people that everything is going to be ok . I am walking proof that you can be an amazing parent, a business builder , and a good wife all at once. You can have it all . I do not believe in balance as much as before . I believe in molding it all together as much as you can though .
Health and wellness are crucial if you want to live a healthy and fulfilling life. Health is wealth. Not monetary items. I love that I am now building this incredible team of other woman who are on their own journey as well. We empower one another, life each other up, and hold each other accountable.
If you find yourself feeling sick and tired of feeling tired all the time like I did, lets talk. I would be more than happy to show you how you can start your journey too. Fill out this form https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdLcQFt3ZRiqXQdmfT5nT_9Eh3rqsvZDbttJT-MD7res-La_g/viewform?usp=sf_link and we will be in contact. No matter how hard life gets or how much you are going through, it starts with that decision to make the change for yourself. Its like that saying ” In order for things to get better, you have to be better ” and I agree.
I know that all of this is a gift and I’m so grateful. I have no idea what to do sometimes or how to even express these feelings I have. Im learning to accept what is and only change what I can change. Writing about it and sharing helps. Deflecting my positive energy on to others helps. But I don’t expect most to understand. The journey is priceless and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m happy I get to work from home and spend the days with my children while providing an additional income . I’m looking forward to summer time and I plan on really creating some awesome memories with the kids. I’m so full of gratitude and I love my life. My daughter just graduated from kindergarten and she is the sweetest little girl with the biggest heart, smile, and imagination. My son is healthy and thriving. My marriage is special and my love is so supportive and such an amazing dad. I get to wake up feeling fulfilled each day. It doesn’t get any better than this. I am blessed.